I cannot believe it is already October!!! All of the holidays are coming so fast and I am so excited! But if I am to be honest… I actually have mixed feelings. It is just so weird to me that it has been 5 months since my life turned upside down. Time seems to go by so fast and yet so slow. Just today, I was thinking how nice it would be to just have someone sedate me for the next 6 months! haha 6 months of being worry free, I’m up for that!! It’s too bad that we can’t just escape sometimes. I feel this way a lot… sometimes I want to just disappear.. and sometimes I just don’t want to be here at all, and the thought of escaping creeps in.
But why? Why escape the opportunity I have to grow? Isn’t this the reason why we all came here anyways? To learn and grow through this life so that we can become all that we are meant to become? There is no other way to do so without experiencing misery, heartache, and trials… many many trials.. BUT the only way to allow these things to have a purpose is to allow ourselves to learn and grow from them.. no matter how painful it may be, no matter how much humility it requires, no matter how much endurance, forgiveness, or how much unconditional love is required to extend towards ourselves and others. It is ALWAYS worth it.
It does though feel sometimes like the pain is never-ending. There are times when I wonder if I will ever feel anything but numb. And then those moments come where I find my smile and I feel joy! I feel peace! And for those few hours, or days, or maybe even weeks, I feel hope. And then I get hit with another train… knocking me off my feet again. And it’s in those moments where I feel something trying to pull me as low as possible, tugging and yanking on me relentlessly and viciously, with a determination to use whatever is necessary to cripple me, break me, and take me from any sliver of hope, happiness and light. In these moments, I find myself literally fighting for my life… doing all that I possibly can to escape the grasp that has hold of me. It’s ironic, isn’t it?. . . that when those times come, by one small effort of turning towards the Lord, I am given strength to escape that which is trying to take my life when before I was trying to escape my life.
It is ironic and truly amazing how through Christ, my mindset can be given the ability to shift. To shift from falling to climbing. How imperative this is . .
In times when life gets dark and dreary, there are moments when we feel like we are falling. . . drowning. . There are even moments when our body and mind gets to a point where the natural reflex to survive becomes dormant . . when we feel like while we are falling we are at peace with what will happen when the fall hits rock bottom. This feeling of numbness is real. This is when absolutely every single ounce of strength that you can or can’t find within yourself MUST be used to reach out to those who can help. Those who can be that strength for you. Heavenly Father will always be on speed dial for me in times like this, but there are multiple people that are needed, and that is when I make additional calls.
Reaching out in times of darkness may seem impossible. You may feel embarrassed, or maybe even that you’re being dramatic. You may feel that people will think you’re crazy if you open up to them. You may worry about others judging you. You may be scared that you will reach out for help and be rejected. All of these thoughts and more seem like reasonable concerns. But they are not realistic. 90% of the time, these thoughts are merely thoughts that are there for only one reason, and that is to keep you where you are at and even drag you down further & faster. Therefore, they are NOT things you need to worry about. In fact, you actually do need to worry when you have these thoughts. . because this is when you will know that you need the strength of others more than ever. And it’s then when you allow those thoughts and anything similar to communicate to you something very different, and that is “IT’S GO TIME!!” it’s when you say “BRING IT ON! I GOT THIS!” and you allow it to motivate you because you’re smarter and you know how to overcome.
So if this Fall, you’re feeling like you are falling apart, or you know someone who might feel similarly, remember this message and share it with whoever you feel impressed to share it with. I hope that this can show that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in how you feel. I have experienced these things first hand; maybe not exactly how some of you have, but I know someone who has been in your shoes and knows exactly how you have felt and are feeling . . and that is Jesus Christ. Through all of this, remember remember that sometimes, as hard as it may be to believe,
“When things seem to be falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.”