RAW UPDATE – I am now suffering from a Full Trauma Response
I’ve decided to really open up with you guys and share that my situation has taken a devastating turn. As my healing has been progressing, there continues to be discoveries and incidents that throw me backwards. Recent discoveries and further education regarding my situation has caused my body to go into what is called Full Trauma Response. Essentially, my body is trying to shut itself down because of the severe trauma it has been and is currently undergoing, in the attempt of not allowing my body to receive any further trauma – it is in survival mode.
I recently experienced a terrifying panic attack, unlike anything I have ever heard of or experienced, after some things had happened these last 3 weeks. It resulted in the paramedics coming, immediately hooking me up to oxygen in preparation to take me to the hospital. As part of the series in my New Vlog that I will be releasing, I will be opening up about different trauma responses I have been having and how I am getting through them…what I am doing right NOW to survive and overcome. The date of release is still TBD.
An estimated 5 percent of Americans—more than 13 million people—have PTSD at any given time. Anxiety is real. PTSD is real. And the heart-wrenching reality that there are other people suffering similar experiences that I am…my heart hurts more than I can put into words. I may not be able to solve such tragedies, but I can be vulnerable. I can be RAW. I can share how I go day by day, minute by minute, working tirelessly, exerting energy that seems at times non-existent, to produce results and miracles that truly come from God and from my faith in Him.
I hope that as I am vulnerable regarding times of utter darkness and excruciating pain, I can share LIGHT – beautiful, magnificent light that I receive as I pour my heart and soul into God’s will. I plan to begin sharing all of the resources God has given us and how I dedicate myself to embracing those fully and the help I receive from doing that.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Regardless if you say that you have or haven’t experienced anxiety, depression, or ptsd before, you are in fact HUMAN. You have flaws, fears, insecurities, heartache, bad days, low points, frustrations, doubts, worries, etc. You have moments, days, weeks, months, even years of struggles…trials…hardships. I don’t care if you have had the best of circumstances or the worst of circumstances, you have experienced YOUR circumstances. You are living your own journey that no one else truly knows about or can 100% relate to.. except Christ. And oh how He is truly, truly here for us. We also do have each other. And although we might not always be able to feel 100% understood by our friends, parents, spouses, children, family, etc. We still have each other. We can look outwardly from ourselves and recognize that others have days where they are faking a smile.. others have days where they secretly cry.. others have days where they wish they could disappear.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Reach out, speak up, and stand up. You are powerful. You are loved. You can do this.
As I breathe in this moment, I CHOOSE to breathe. As I get out of bed, I CHOOSE to take on another day. As I acknowledge all of my heartaches, I CHOOSE to smile. As I fall to my knees, I CHOOSE to reach out. I CHOOSE to try. I CHOOSE to want…to want to do His will. I CHOOSE to get up, time after time after time… again and again and again. I CHOOSE to embrace my purpose. I CHOOSE to love.
I choose Heavenly Father. I choose growth. I chose life on earth for a reason, so I am CHOOSING to fullfil my purpose here to the greatest extent. I am CHOOSING to not just live.. NO.. I am CHOOSING to grow. Every day. Every minute. I am CHOOSING to allow this life to help me reach my full potential and reach all that my spirit is capable of. There are infinite blessings in store for each of us. I don’t intend to let insignificant things in this life keep me from receiving the entire purpose of why I came here. We came to earth to learn & grow in divine ways that are impossible to put into words. I intend to expound upon that. And I CHOOSE to do so each and every day.
Follow along on my journey as you follow along on your own. Please be patient as I try to post & share consistently. I am still healing and find it difficult to be consistent in recording and sharing my experiences. If you feel impressed to share this blog post or my platforms with someone that you feel could benefit, please do not hesitate. I care for each and every single one of you. Thank you for your support, as well as your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate you.
I hope to see you at the release of my first Vlog! Have an amazing day today. Smile & own what is yours – You are powerful, you are wise, you are loved and YOU have a purpose.