A memory that I will never forget..
After my divorce, there was a day when only my younger brother and I were at my parent’s house. I received information over the phone that threw me into a severe panic attack.
Journal Entry dated 5/25/18 :
“…My heart began throbbing in pain. I was overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions that were moving so fast within me I couldn’t even realize what was happening. All within a matter of seconds, I felt sick, heartbroken, angry, compassionate, grateful, confused, weak, anxious, depressed, mortified, lost…and so much more. My thoughts were racing as tears were streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think or even what to feel! I was petrified…
A blood curdling scream escaped my mouth and I fell to the ground, holding on to the side of the bed. I cried out, praying desperately – but all that could come out were screams of pain. The painful weeping pulled on what seemed like all of my internal organs. I felt trapped. Trapped as my body began to contort and as every muscle tightened.. flexing tighter and tighter every second while drops of sweat hit the floor & sounds of immense pain rung throughout the hearts of those rushing to my aid, desperately trying to save me.”
My younger brother heard me screaming in pain and ran to my room. He immediately held me at my bed side where I had knelt down to pray for help. A physical pain hit my heart like a sledge hammer. I was biting my arm to keep from screaming. I sat there as every muscle in my body began to tighten. Tears were endless and I was soon in a puddle of sweat.
My 13 year old brother held me tight, silent tears streaming down his cheeks as he repeated as calmly as he could, “Breathe Brittany, breathe..” That’s when my vision went. Everything was black.
I couldn’t see and I was unable to speak… I could only cry out in pain.. I faintly heard the doorbell ring. Bryce had called our neighbors. He quickly explained to me, “the neighbors are here to help. It’s going to be okay.” I then heard him run down the stairs to get them. A minute later, I felt the warmth of his arms around me again. I heard the neighbor coming up the stairs, hesitate at my open doorway, and then quickly came to my side.
My hands began to curl in, my elbows bending as my muscles clenched. My toes and feet began curling inward, along with the twisting of my ankles. My body was shutting off my oxygen supply to prevent anymore pain, which was why my muscles were tightening. I felt the oxygen slowly leaving every part of my body. The only thing I could compare it to is a heart attack along with the feeling of a “charlie horse” in every muscle. The pain was unbearable.
The panic attack got worse, but soon with the help of two incredible women by my side, joined shortly by my mother, I was able to breathe again and come out of the panic attack without calling 911. Later, one of the women told me in tears, something I will never forget. She explained that when she got to the doorway to my room, she saw someone holding me. I agreed and made a comment about how my brave little brother, Bryce, was the one holding me.
Her tears continued as she said “No Brittany, it wasn’t Bryce…”
My heart was overwhelmed by a warm & peaceful feeling of love. Immediately, I felt a confirmation that I was in fact being held & protected by angels. She continued, “..and when I walked into your room, it felt like I walked through a veil. It was like all of a sudden, the air became less dense.” My eyes were wide with my hand over my heart. She looked at me, with tears in her eyes, and said boldly, “Brittany…you are being protected.”
That day, I felt the physical presence of an angel. I physically felt their arms wrapped around me. I wasn’t alone, and I never have been. I experienced many miracles during my recovery & healing process. I’ve tried so hard to record all of them in my journals. And this will always be one that I hold extremely close to my heart.
I can testify from personal experiences, that God knows us & loves us unconditionally. He sheds tears of sorrow when He sees us in pain. Jesus Christ is our Savior. He has scooped me up and carried me, countless times throughout my life (including times when I wasn’t even aware). The powers of the Atonement are INFINITE. And the powers of angels are REAL.
If all of these things didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be alive today. I am ONLY alive still BECAUSE of these things. Therefore, they are inevitably REAL. They’re available 24/7, for the rest of our lives, with no expectations of being repaid, no judgement, complete acceptance, divine love, and the ONLY intention of helping us grow throughout this life, being there for us whenever we turn to them – every step of the way.
Christ restores what I cannot restore. He heals the wounds I cannot heal. He fixes what I have broken and cannot fix. He fills in where I fall short.
This is the very purpose of the atonement of Christ. There is SO much more to the Atonement than just repentance. The powers are INFINITE. And they are FOR US; constantly available.
Grateful is an understatement. There will never be words to describe my gratitude, faith, trust, and love for my Savior. I BELIEVE HIM. I TRUST HIM. AND I HAVE FAITH IN HIM.
If you have experienced anything special that you would be willing to share, I would LOVE to hear it. It can not only bless my life, but the lives of anyone else who may fall upon it. You matter, and you are strong. Our vulnerabilities are moments of strength. Our weaknesses are our doorways to growth. Our willingness to share is our doorway to saving lives.
I am so grateful for this community! Thank you for being part of the positive energy in my life.
You are loved and appreciated.